Front Row Dress Circle

You can sneer all you like but I like these boys - and if they can win me over then they really must have something because I was one of their harshest critics not too long ago. Tonight they proved that they are as entertaining, albeit in their own way, as any of the other acts. In fact, they are MORE entertaining than most of them.

The X Factor was becoming more like the X Factory - a conveyor belt of singers all trying to be someone else and in the end not being very interesting. To tell you the truth I find Leona Lewis dead boring, and Alexandra Burke as well - they are nothing special and there are many more just as good as them who have not had the good luck that they have enjoyed. Good singers are a dime a dozen these days - you rarely find a true gem that is without equal in the way that Barbra Streisand or Shirley Bassey is. Where are all the originals these days…?

John and Edward are their own act and I like them; they have been fantastic sports in the face of the most ignorant and nastiest of criticism, they have just smiled and gotten on with the job. There are many supposedly ‘great’ experienced singers who could learn a lesson in professionalism from these two kids - I hope that they don’t lose their youthful naivete, it is refreshing to see in youth these days. X Factor judge Dannii Minogue is threatening to quit if John and Edward get through tomorrow night and her Stacey does not - well, go ahead and walk Dannii-girl, it would be a big mistake to start throwing hissy-fits right now and trying to tell the public who they can and cannot vote for…it can backfire. Those boys have as much right to a place in next weeks show as your boring Stacey, they are legitimate contestantsand deserve to be treated as such.

Popularity: 13% [?]

I watched it so at least I can criticise it - okay he’s a nice enough bloke but never have I seen a series of such unadulterated, self-indulgent rubbish. Endless close-ups of Pete looking misty-eyed into the distance; endless shots of Pete wiping tears from his eyes. What sublime self-promotion this series turned out to be - there was not one single episode that did not contain mention of, or references to, Katie Price…and this from a man who is always claiming to be “moving on…”

Those children were shamelessly exploited right throughout with poor little Junior frequently reduced to tears all because he likes to say things like ‘boobies’ - excuse the poor kid for being a kid eh…? tonight’s final episode had me reeling when the little boy - all four years of him - was made to cry yet again when he got into trouble for telling his loser of a nanny (who claimed to be soooo upset) that he ‘didn’t like people with big tummies…’ - get a life you sook, he’s four years old…and she DID have a big tummy although her face was mercifully blurred out. Good on you Katie for not allowing Harvey to participate in Pete’s ‘father of the year’ campaign.

Then you had the omnipresent manager Claire Powell (there she is pictured in her usual position) and her sturdy offsider, whatever-her-name-is, constantly reassuring the viewing audience that Pete is a) so much more confident these days…b) such a different man these days…c) almost back to the way he ‘used to be’…d) steadily getting over the last 4/5/6 months…ad nauseam. Oh, and if it wasn’t the female supporting cast forever putting our minds at ease about Pete’s mental and physical state then it was that brother of his - Mike - yes, the Andre relative who was happy to share the limelight and be quite comfortably ensconced in Katie’s house at times during the marriage but at the same time was secretly ashamed of being her brother-in-law. (Send him an invoice Katie dear…)

Best of all were Pete’s constant assurances, right throughout the series, that he would not focus on Katie at all, that she was a closed book. He even assured us all of this in several ‘exclusive’ interviews in approximately five magazines in the one week while holding both kids on each hip and balancing Claire Powell on his shoulders - also while checking his text messages from her on camera and even singing a little ditty about her that their kids will just love to listen to in a few years time. Finally we come out of the series better people for having discovered that dumping your wife several days after her miscarriage and then making a big deal out of the fact that you ‘will never, ever, ever, ever reveal the REAL reason why…’ can actually be one of the best calculated moves you can ever make - so long as you have a CD of breaking-up songs ready to be released that used your marriage as song-fodder and you can take advantage of the fact that the mother of your children has become most hated enemy no.1 out of it. His utter contempt for the woman he claimed to ‘love only as the mother of my children’ was palpable and ill-disguised. As we were also well assured that he was the most sexually frustrated wanker in the United Kingdom we are all now just waiting for the next instalment…Peter Andre: Finally Gets Laid.

Gee it feels good to be single again, eh Pete…

Popularity: 21% [?]

And if you don’t believe me just google ‘John and’, because instantly John and Edward appear in the drop down and with a very respectable amount of hits available.

Just what is it about these twin 18 year old boys from Ireland who cannot sing, cannot dance, look like the offspring of Tin-Tin and yet stand scarily poised to take out the title of winner in the X Factor…? and what is even more startling is the fact that Simon Cowell seems to be warming to them after weeks of piling criticism on them. I can tell you what it is: they have what is known as ‘It’ and let me tell you something - they have ‘It’ in abundance. Last night as they stood beside that lovely Welsh sweetheart, Lucie Jones, on stage who did YOU look at?…if most of you were being honest you would admit that you were looking at John and Edward. Lucie is gorgeous and she has an incredible voice but she lacks that gimmick that John and Edward have, even if that gimmick is being the ultimate in cheese they have a gimmick none the less and THAT is what makes them so darn watchable. THAT’S the X Factor guys.

You can agree or disagree but these two kids have more people talking about their non-talent than any of the other contestants have talking about their talent. The truth is there is no single quality that defines the ‘It’ element - and you don’t need talent to have it. Simon Cowell knows this only too well. Just as there are many people knocking these kids there are as many more who pick up the phone each week and vote to see them again. Just consider past winners; Leona Lewis - a good singer but, in my opinion, dead boring as an entertainer. Alexandra Burke - good singer but, once again, I’ve seen more sparks fly off a car battery. And no, I can’t sing better than them but I also would not open my purse to buy their cd’s because they don’t entertain me.

John and Edward, for some strange reason, do. They sing out of tune and rarely ensemble - they dance to their own beat and probably have the thickest skins I have ever seen on two performers…which they will need more than anything in this business. They have been criticised more than any other contestant on the show and still manage to smile each week where certain other singers take every tiny critical word and beat themselves with it. But what really appeals to me is their bursting enthusiasm for going all out on stage, they really do put everything (whatever it is…) into their act - they set out to entertain. I say good luck to them.

Popularity: 19% [?]