Front Row Dress Circle

Not so long ago you used to get complete losers who got their rocks off by picking up the phone, dialing a random number (yours) and then breathing heavily down the line at you. Obscene phonecalls is what they were generally known as and the best way to deal with such a moron was to have a whistle handy and blow it down the receiver as loud as you could manage. If you were really lucky you could hear as they screeched and dropped the phone - I suppose these days that person would report you and sue you for using undue force…

These days things have not changed, you still get these idiots who think it is funny - and weirdly a turn on - to send stupid and obscene messages to women only now it id done by mobile phone and commonly in the form of text messages. Text Pests you call them - ’small things amuse small minds’ as the saying goes. TV presenter Vernon Kay has been apologising in overdrive recently when he was exposed as one of these numpties by The Sun - no problems with me Vernie-baby, but I am sure your wife Tess Daly is very upset that you have been sending racy texts to a collection of bimbos over the past five years. She is, in fact, feeling rightly humiliated and betrayed and why should she not…? this couple market themselves as tv’s Golden Couple and have two young children, even though Vernon is no real catch - about as sexy as Ringo Starr - his wife must be wondering why on earth he had to behave in such an immature way.

Here’s your answer Tessie dear: he is a man. Some men - not all thank god - find this kind of thing titillating, amusing and it relieves some sort of inner-boredom they have. It is like those little boys who play knock-knock-run-run and flash-your-winkie-at-the-girls in the playground. Tess, you will have to rise above this and as you have two small children you will have to make this man of yours behave himself. You are far better than any of those plastic, flammable blow-up dolls he pleasured himself over - chin up, keep smiling…and give him absolute hell at home!

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